


Invisible String

by swenbae



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: F/F, Taylor Swift shit, ephipany, folklore song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:14:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28229715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swenbae/pseuds/swenbae
Summary: Time, mystical timeCuttin' me open, then healin' me fineWere there clues I didn't see?And isn't it just so pretty to thinkAll along there was someInvisible stringTying you to me?Ooh
Relationships: Jen - Relationship, Judy Hale & Charlie Harding, Judy Hale & Henry Harding, Judy Hale & Jen Harding, Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Kudos: 16





	Invisible String

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone.. english isn't my maternal language, so, i'm sorry for the mistakes.  
> This idea got me, stayed in my mind rent free, so that it is, hope you enjoy <3

It was comical, if Jen let herself reflect, how much she and Judy had spent together in the past year. They did badly, but they also helped each other too much.

First the accident with Ted. Well, he was not so lucky, but Jen met the person she thought that was the most kind and loving in the world and, oh boy, suffocated sometimes. The contagious joy, the good morning mood, the confidence that was almost instantaneous, if we omitted the fact that Judy had lied to her about Steve being dead when they first met.

Jen felt that she had known Judy for a lifetime, she felt that the woman was a type of angel sent in her life to help her with various things, such as being a fucking better mom. Judy taught her to be more patient with Charlie and it was like he just needed it, to cut the shitty attitude he had been having since his father died. Judy understood him and he could deny it, but Jen knew him like no one else, they were very similar in this regard, to hide all feelings, so the blonde knew that he had also surrendered to the brunette's charm. Judy taught her to respect more Henry's innocence and keep it for as long as she could. The three were surrendered by the brunette in some way.

And Judy, well, Judy was surrendered to the Harding family from the first moment, the innocence and love of Henry that left her in the clouds, even the difficulty of winning Charlie and, she tried ... all the breakfasts with pancakes and chocolate were there to prove that she tried to conquer him with all the weapons she had. And there was Jen, who had managed to get the best of her all the time, who made her sweet heart turn, who made her know the meaning of home, who made her have people she cared too much to come back to them at the end of day.

Then the lie came out and the blonde's heart shattered. _"How was she able to do it?"_ it was a question that prowled her mind with absurd frequency, because she couldn't understand the fact that Judy was aware of who she was and lying to her that way. She was furious and God, she never really controlled the anger that was taking over her body and that shit looked like a volcano about to erupt. Words she never thought to say to the person who had so much of her veiled affection was there, coming out of her lips like a bullet entering and piercing Judy, precisely. Jen was so angry, that even the crying, which she thought was extremely sincere, was making her angry. "What can I do to make it better?" that fucking question kept lingering in her mind, preventing her from reasoning properly. _"You can fucking die."_ She didn't mean it and, deep down she knew it, but anger had consumed everything and she left her there. In the cold, with a broken heart as she tried to recover some of her own heart.

And Judy tried, she swears she tried to respect the blonde's wishes. She wanted to disappear, but even that felt wrong, even that felt like something out of this world. But still, she tried, Judy thought the blonde would be better off without her, without all the drama that Judy brought to her life, without all the difficult consequences to deal with. She would throw herself in front of a car, because she thought it was what she deserved, she thought it wouldn't make any difference in the lives of those she loved, until she got that call. _"Judy, I need you to come home"_ and Jen's words seemed honest and she saved her. Jen fucking saved her skin.

So, Steve happened. And Jen seemed almost relieved to know how much, if not all, of Judy's guilt at Ted’s hit and run was for him. Jen knew that the woman's heart was pure enough to never do harm to anyone, at least not on purpose. And boy, was she so mad at Steve and then he said all those horrible things to her, things that fucking hurt her.

Jen thought that if Ted, who was her husband, didn't support her, why would Judy support her? She barely saw it when the blow hit the man. She can barely think of what she had done, but her thoughts hovered about what the brunette was going to think.

 _"Judy, I need you to come home."_ Her voice almost faltered when she finally admitted and Judy came back, but then Jen saw in her eyes, despair, disappointment, heartbreak and Jen knew that feeling, she knew that feeling so well that her bones hurt. She barely notice when her hands shook, when her voice didn't want to come out of her throat. Badly staged when she looked at Judy and a lie had left her lips and then she was looking at Jen in full horror when she heard what Steve had supposedly done, to make him end this way. And once again Judy proved to Jen that she was the human being with the purest heart that existed.

Steve was Judy's fucking love. Jen was, apparently, her best friend. Jen killed him. And, damn, the guilt was almost eating away at her and now, more than ever, she understood why Judy had done everything she did and as much as she wanted Judy away from her, she didn't finish. She doesn't move in any way to get rid of the apparent magnetism that Judy had, to get rid of the magnet that pulled Judy every time she tried to walk away.

It was like there was a fucking line connecting them. Forever. And Jen got tired of fighting the fact that she always wanted Judy, because the brunette nearby meant that she would feel herself, something that she hadn't been able to for a long time. And maybe she still isn't ready to admit that disgusting thing.

Watching Judy's pain, knowing that she was the cause, was eating away at Jen. The lack of words, the lack of a contagious smile and heat that emanated from the woman almost made Jen tell her everything. And then, apparently everything changed when Judy met Michelle. And fuck, Jen was mad. Not with Judy, of course, nor with Michelle, but the mere fact of knowing that there was someone who kissed her, someone who loved her and that person wasn't Jen, made the blonde extremely jealous and angry. It was irrational, she knew it.

So Jennifer had an epiphany, it took her a long time to notice what was going on inside her chest, it took her a while to notice that all the looks she was directing at the younger woman were not just the affectionate looks of friends, but she realized and now she was being tortured enough because she thought it was too late, Judy had met someone nice. Someone nice enough that was taking away all the smiles that Jen loved and again the heat in her eyes was there. She tried to settle for that, for Judy. Settle with the younger girl's friendship, the occasional TV shared, the occasional glass of wine because Judy was now busy enough to sit with her every night for the Facts of Life rerun.

And the brunette seemed happy, it seemed that she had finally found someone who understood her, someone who didn't care if she forgot to answer a message, or if she forgot to call. Judy seemed to find someone who brought her comfort and happiness, someone who brought her sunny days, because Judy loved the sun. Someone who didn't find it strange that the woman believed in the energy of the crystals or the Buddhas scattered throughout the house, or even in the power of the stars and signs.

But the womens got tangled in too dangerous threads, with Ted, with Steve. One hour it would all come up and take them by surprise. And fuck, Jen had two kids, she had to think about them, she had to fight for their safety, she could never be selfish with the two best people she put in the world.

When she finally confessed to Judy about Steve, she thought her whole world was going to collapse. Because maybe that was how she felt that the brunette was for her, a ruin that would tear her apart, because who in their right mind would stay with her? But Judy was the nicest ruin Jen had ever experienced. The lack of words from the brunette, the disappointed look that seemed to prowl her face, the resignation, the lack of tears led Jen to fucking despair, it was not possible that after such a confession Judy couldn't even yell at her.

And then she went overwhelming. She caused Judy to almost broke, and it was at that moment that Jen understood the extent of her feelings for Judy and the magnitude that Judy was. It was at that moment that she saw the extensions of the woman's scars, understood her more than anything in this world. It was at that moment that Jen also understood how much she loved Judy, how much she needed in her life. It was with her hands preventing Judy from hurt herself that the blonde understood that she would do everything for her, and when she thought of everything, she would take the blame even if it cost her what she loved most, which was spending her days with her childrens. It was with the warm embrace, with the crying on the shoulder, the sobs that escaped those lips that Jen understood that she needed to protect the brunette.

The three letters she wrote were the words she found most difficult to let it go. It was not that she didn't know everything she wanted to say to her family, but it was simply very difficult to put on paper the feelings that bubbled up inside her. It was horrible for Jen to think that her life had never been completely whole, and that every time she tried to fix the pieces, other parts fell apart, like a fucking vicious cycle that happiness was not part of the spiral. First with her mother, the loss of her brought the most bitter feelings that Jen could feel, then came Ted who softened things up a little, but it didn't take long for the problems of marriage to remind her how bitter the disappointment was on the tongue.

 _“I love you more than wine. Thank you for loving me and our boys.”_ after all Jennifer hoped that magically Judy would know that she loved her, but Judy didn't assume that and despair took her, she thought Jen would never return home, that her safe haven would never be the same. Her eyes tried to close, she was lying in the bed they shared, her pillow was smelling the woman who had stolen a piece of her, but even that was not able to ease the pain that Jen giving herself for her caused her, thick tears falling down her cheeks, feelings boiling.

There was an absurd fear in the blonde of leaving her children behind, as if she feared for the direction they will take. But there was something about Judy too that she trusted so much, that she trusted her boys. She knew that Judy would take care of them with her own life, that she would take care of them as if they were her own and in the end they were, they were the brunette just as they were the blonde and Jen was proud of that, even she thought Judy was a better mother for them than she had ever been.

The sleep eventually came, the eyes closed for the sudden tiredness, the lack that the body of the blonde next to her brought left her thoughtful. Michelle would never be able to supply what Jen was in the brunette's life, that's the real reason why never work out, and that made her think ... think that maybe the extent of her feelings was something that none of them even imagined, think that maybe what Judy really wanted was for Jen to come back to the house safe and sound to steal a kiss from her, so that she could tell her to never scare her like that again, that she did not imagine the life and the house without the blonde's crap.

The pancakes seemed to smell all over the house, the few hours of sleep didn't stop Judy from taking care of the breakfast, especially when Jen went through the front door and they just hugged each other in mutual recognition. The eyes barely blinked at each other, the smiles that almost tore the mouth. The sighs of relief that escaped.

"I thought I've losed you, god ... what happened?" The brunette's lips trembled at the question. It seemed surreal to think that after those letters Jen would be there.

"I gave in ... and well, Perez was kind enough to ignore everything I said .." Jen said in a breath, as if she had lifted a weight off her back.

"I can't believe you did that!" The brunette uttered a mixture of disbelief and relief.

"Can we talk about this later?" She smiled tiredly. "I really need a bath and these pancakes smell delicious."

Judy's tender eyes were all over Jen's face, and she wanted to kiss her right there, she wanted to tell her how much she loved her, how hard it was just to go.

"Sure." She smiled, hugging her again as if she wanted to make sure that the blonde was there, that it was not a mere reverie of her brain.

The blonde returned the hug, the smile and it was as if she suddenly loved physical contact more than ever. It was a guarantee that she was there. Flesh and Bone.

And the boys barely noticed the googly eyes, barely noticed that the touches had intensified as if they wanted to be sure of each other's presence. The boys' letter had been hidden and it was as if Jen's handover to the police had never happened. Judy breathed a sigh, Jen breathed a sigh.

*

The day had passed like a blur. The fact that the dawn was simply too long for her was enough for her to fall tired in the comfort of the one who pulled her sighs. Jen was getting gross and she didn't even care.

The realization that Judy was all over her, from the tolerance of small talk and sign nonsense, to the choice of Malbec wine, which was her favorite, reached her in the most delicious way possible as soon as she opened her eyes. The brunette's lips slightly parted, her breathing rhythmic, her chest rising and falling slightly. Jennifer could hardly contain a sigh. Where was the blonde's head when she thought she could just give herself up? Would a life be possible without the woman who pulled the most sincere smiles from the moment she woke up, until the moment she closed her eyes to sleep?

No, in fact a life without her wouldn't be a life at all. It would be comical to think, after all, she thought that a life without Ted would not be a life and, well, look where she is now. It is not Ted's arms that comfort her at night, not even his understanding and loving look that almost softens her legs. She wasn't looking for reasons, it was her. It was Judy. Its Judy. It was her messy bangs, it was the gentle smile, it was the eyes that welcomed her.

The mere thought scared her, the blonde could not be hypocritical to herself and pretend that she did not know what the brunette meant to her, because she knew, she knew that Judy meant allowing herself sparks of freedom again, caught in a love that for a long time that she didn’t feel, flashes of an understanding that there wasn’t with her husband, quite the opposite. Jen knew that the last few years of her marriage were just co-parenting, they shared parental obligations and that was all, but Jennifer was always good at lying to herself, always good at ignoring the things she thought she was not so good at, like this. Maybe that's why Ted's betrayal took her by surprise, not because of his unfaithfulness itself, but because she lied to herself that everything was, in fact, right when it actually collapsed at the greatest speed.

Her epiphany was replaced by a knowing smile, a loving look, her legs embarrassed under the blancket. The eyes both paying attention to every detail of the blonde's face.

"I love you." Jen released suddenly, as if it made perfect sense to say those words. "I love you so much and I'm going to kiss you now."

The disbelief on the brunette's face was not enough to stop Jen from her extremely calculated movements. The artist's soft lips received the blonde's with all the eagerness she could put in a kiss. The feeling of home that took hold of the two made them understand that they belonged, that they were the centerpiece of that act. Act that sometimes was cruel, but if that hadn't happened, they would not be enjoying each other at this moment.

_“And isn’t just so pretty to think_

_All along there was some_

_Invisible string_

_Tying you to me?”_


End file.
